Week 25: What Psalm 38 says about a midlife crisis

How Psalm 38 can help us prepare for the inevitable crises we face in midlife

We've all heard of it, and we've probably all seen it: a midlife crisis strikes. Erratic behavior ensues: a flashy sports car appears in the driveway, fitness becomes an unhealthy obsession, the younger generation's fashion shows up on an aging body.

But what if I told you the "midlife crisis" is a myth? In fact, these crises are the predictable outcomes of life choices made across the years, not a lightning strike of instability that only impacts people over 40. "It must be a midlife crisis" is more of an excuse than a diagnosis.

What is true, however, is that midlife does offer us plenty of opportunities to experience crisis because of the unique set of challenges that come with that life stage: the emptying nest, changing relationships with adult children, the need to revive intimacy within marriage, the physical challenges of aging, and care for aging parents, just to name a few.

Would it help to know in advance what a crisis feels like and how to make it through? God must think so because in Psalms 38, 39, and 40 He guided David to describe his own crisis experience and to create a roadmap for walking through it into joy on the other side.

This week, we will look at the beginning stages of a crisis outlined in Psalm 38. Fair warning: none of it sounds fun. But if we know and can recognize the waypoints through a crisis beforehand, we can more clearly see God's hand guiding us through when we do go through one. And if you are like me, small crises arise almost daily. I'm using these principles from Psalm 38 to mindfully and biblically handle even the small stuff. It helps me keep my eyes on Christ rather than my circumstances. Let's dig in!

The Crash: Psalm 38:1-8

I am feeble and utterly crushed;

I groan in anguish of heart.

Psalm 38:8, NIV

We've all been there. The phone rings, bad news is received, our minds go numb and our bodies crumple under the weight of tragedy. Even small problems--like narrowly avoiding a fender bender--trigger small reactions. Tragic news triggers more significant reactions, and as David records in these first eight verses, realization of our own guilt triggers the same "fight or flight" response as bad news.

How does David cope? He cries out to God: not in a reasonable, intellectual discourse, but in a visceral plea for mercy that speaks of shock and grief:

Lord, do not rebuke me in your anger

or discipline me in your wrath.

Psalm 38:1, NIV

Have you been there? "Why are you mad at me, God? Why have you allowed this to happen?"

Here's the good news, though. When our first thought is to cry out to God, we have begun our journey through the crisis. Even if our prayers make no sense, we need to keep praying. And this is exactly what David does.

The Confusion: Psalm 38:9-14

I have become like one who does not hear,

whose mouth can offer no reply.

Psalm 38:14, NIV

Have you noticed that once we pick ourselves up (hopefully figuratively, but sometimes literally) off the floor, that our brains get busy trying to answer the big question: why? We turn the problem over and over in our minds looking for the cause and the solution, looking for our part in it, looking for a way out. But nothing makes sense. As David says in verse 14, our ears can't register explanations from others, and we have no explanation to offer them, either. All is confusion. Sometimes, even our closest friends and family can't offer solace, as David notes in verse 11:

My friends and companions avoid me because of my wounds;

my neighbors stay far away.

Psalm 38:11, NIV

But David does not stop praying, even in his confusion. He shows us how to open our hearts in honesty to God as we admit our own inability to solve or escape the crisis:

All my longings lie open before you, Lord;

my sighing is not hidden from you.

Psalm 38:9, NIV

God sees us, God knows us, and God loves us. Even though David is dealing with the fallout from his own sin in Psalm 38, he has confidence in the love of God. David prays even when all he can verbalize is a groan. But God is already answering.

The Commitment: Psalm 38:15-22

Lord, I wait for you;

you will answer, Lord my God.

Psalm 38:15, NIV

Here's the pivot point in David's crisis. He has survived the crash, he has realized he can't clear the confusion on his own, so he settles his soul in the safety of God's hands. The New American Standard version translates the first verse this way: "For I hope in You, O Lord. . ." The Hebrew word for wait or hope in this verse means to be patient and wait expectantly. David is going to trust God to give him clarity and direction at the right time.

This commitment doesn't mean that David is no longer suffering. He clearly states that he is still experiencing grief, anxiety, and opposition. It also doesn't mean that David doesn't take responsibility for any part he played in the crisis. Part of his commitment to wait for God includes making his heart right before the Lord:

I confess my iniquity;

I am troubled by my sin.

Psalm 38:18, NIV

Along with confession, David continues to pour out his heart to God. But the prayer is now changed from the beginning prayer in the first verse. Instead of praying for deliverance from God's judgement, David now prays for God's continued divine presence:

Lord, do not forsake me;

do not be far from me, my God.

Come quickly to help me,

my Lord and my Savior.

Psalm 38:21-22, NIV

God has faithfully shepherded David through the shock of the crash and the mind-numbing confusion of the crisis. David's eyes are firmly fixed on his Savior and now God's work can take center stage.

Preparing for the Everyday Midlife Crisis

Let's quickly apply Psalm 38 to an everyday crisis to see if it works in real life for real midlife women. Let's say I forget to write down a coffee date on my calendar and on the appointed day I get a text from my friend saying, "Is everything OK? I'm here at the cafe, but I'm worried about you!" I immediately panic as my body floods with stress hormones. I've stood up my good friend, and I'm still in my pajamas! But I remember Psalm 38, and I tell myself, this feeling is normal and it will go away. God is teaching me something here, but I need to wait for the overwhelm to subside before I can move on. I reach out to God and stay anchored while I wait.

Next up is the confusion stage. Because of David's words, I know my mind will start to generate a solution, and I know not to trust it! It might suggest that she got the date wrong, or that I should make up an excuse, or that I can somehow get dressed and arrive in time if I drive over the speed limit! My mind might also catastrophize the situation and tell me that I have lost the friendship forever. But I know to wait this out with a heart open to God even if I don't have any sensible words to say to Him. The Holy Spirit will guide me as I wait for the confusion to clear, so I make a commitment to let Him bring clarity to my mind.

Once I make the commitment to seek God for answers, I am at last capable of making good decisions. In this case, confession to both God and my friend are the next right step. Committing to seeking God throughout the crisis means I can't take shortcuts or hide my own failings, so I make a phone call and sincerely ask for forgiveness, trusting the Holy Spirit to guide both my heart and hers.

What happens next? Well, the rest of the crisis journey is found in Psalm 40 which we will tackle next week. But let me encourage you, friend: As small crises appear this week, keep Psalm 38 in mind and hold fast to God through the crash and confusion. Commit your way to Him, and wait for Him to guide. Watch for Him to move, and then share what you learn with your other midlife friends. You can even leave me a comment below and let me know how Psalm 38 has guided you through a "midlife crisis." Have a great week!

Readings and Reflection Questions

Monday's reading: Psalm 38

It's your turn! Read through Psalm 38, then jounal about a crisis situation you dealt with recently. Do you see the three stages in your experience? How did your mind try to solve the problem? What direction did you receive from praying? Did you commit yourself to waiting for God and following His lead?

Tuesday's reading: Psalm 39

Read through Psalm 39 and reflect on David's experiences. What is the longing of his heart as he walks through his crisis? Why do you think David guards his mouth so carefully during a crisis?

Wednesday's reading: 2 Chronicles 20:1-12

How did King Jehosophat experience and live out the princples in Psalm 38? What did he do in verse three? What actions might you take to seek God in a crisis situation?

Thursday's reading:  Luke 8:22-25

What was the crisis faced by the disciples? Why do you think Jesus rebuked them for their lack of faith? Hint: the answer is in verse 24. If the disciples had been filled with faith, what might they have said to Jesus instead?

Friday's reading: I Peter 5:6-9

What do these verses teach you about crises and suffering? Make a list of the actions Peter tells us to take when life gets hard. Which one could you work on this week?

Weekend reading:  Psalm 119:41-48

This section of Psalm 119 talks about the hope we have in God and how that is expressed in His Word. How might you use God's Word in a time of crisis to keep you focused on Christ?